I recently, as in approximately 30 minutes ago, realized that all salads are out to get me. It can’t just be me, either. I am equally certain they have targeted others.

I have not been able to eat a normal leafy green salad for decades. Having Ulcerative Colitis I like many other sufferers of #IBD, find all forms of roughage to trigger flare ups. No leaves, no seeds, no beans is a general rule I must live by. This eliminates all you garden salads, chef salads, cobb salads and even side salads. As I don’t care for vegetables this really didn’t bother me in the slightest.

Then when I tried to lose weight I began modifying an #LCHF lifestyle to coexist with my personally designed #IBD dietary requirements. This involved calorie counting and checking carbs. Pasta is an obvious carb, and was the first to go. Along with it went my favorite salad of all. Macaroni Salad. This creamy delight I had enjoyed all my life goes against my new low carb lifestyle and so must go.

No fret, I do so enjoy Potato Salad that it will fill that gap in my life. Only to find out that while better than Macaroni Salad it is still a carb loaded starchy calorie pit. Though I do occasionally cave into it as a rare treat, the fact is that it does not belong in my life anymore.

But hey, there is still Ham Salad! What could fit better on a High Protein Diet than HAM Salad. And oh so delicious! So good I will eat it straight from the tub, no sandwich bread required.

And then there was today, where I paid a tad closer attention while counting my calories, and realized that Ham Salad is a lie! Despite the meaty, protein filled name, it still has more carbs than protein. And the calories, oh the calories! A serving of Ham Salad has more calories than an equal portion of Potato Salad, and almost as many calories as my beloved Macaroni Salad. Heart break.

So in the end we find that all salads are indeed created evil…