The Commandments

(Also known as The Gospel of Johnny)

  • Beans and greens are for birdies and bunnies.
  • Seeds belong in a garden, not in your mouth.
  • Raw fish is bait, not food.
  • There are three popular artificial sweeteners. A known carcinogen, an appetite stimulant and one that causes kidney damage. Do yourself favor, stick to sugar or do without.
  • A prune is what happens when you suck everything good out of a plum.
  • It can be turkey, or it can be bacon.  It can never be both.
  • “Deep Fried” is a food group.
  • Chicken Fingers & Fries is America’s answer to Fish & Chips.
  • Pizza is a vegetable. It would literally take an act of Congress to disprove that.
  • Tofu should only be considered a food source by third world nations incapable of acquiring real food.
  • If what you are eating is not a specific part of an animal, it’s probably not good for you.
  • Milk is for babies. Cheese is for adults.
  • What burns going in,burns coming out.
  • Bovine flatulence is a major contributor to the Green House Gas Effect.  Save the planet, eat more cows.
  • Onion is a condiment.
  • Spinach is a garnish.
  • “Bacon makes it better”.

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